Far more trivial things have kept me from writing than trying to keep focused on a spinning computer screen. So, in that one small way this post is a victory.
I’m day five post-op, and after a brief fentanyl-induced hospital honeymoon, things have gotten a bit tougher, despite the fact that I’m thrilled to be home.
I play this game called “Broken Robot”with the kids. (It has nothing to do with JJ Abrams, who, as you know, has a robot who is bad.) As the name of the game suggests, I act like a robot in need of repair, and the kids set about trying to fix my ailments with their toy tools. In the game, I walk stiffly and mechanically when they eventually get me up and running, and that’s exactly what I look like now. Every step is slow, carefully considered, and without much of a stride. My head swivels slowly on badly rusted joints, and I can only hear out of one side of my head, so I take my time turning and try to position myself as best I can to hear. Evidently my ear canal is packed right now. I get that out Thursday and we’ll know a little more about my hearing then.
My brain senses movement that is not real because my inputs have changed, as Dr. Wiet told me, and it’s trying to decipher how to process this new information. I had powerful pulsating tinnitus that would make my field of vision bounce as well, but it seems the steroids have begun to tamp that down quite a bit in only one day. I also no longer feel the world tilt sideways when I burp or yawn, likely due to reduced swelling. Steroids rule! In its place, I hear chimes. Like someone has set a Casio keyboard to the organ setting, and is softly pressing one upper-register note after another. “Beeeeee.” Boooo.” Baaaaa.” It kind of sounds like the opening notes of the original STAR TREK show, but unfortunately, never in the right order.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Day 6 Begins Here. Writing the above wiped me out. iPads and iPhones seem easier to my eyes than the laptop.]
I believe the unmasking of symptoms in my left ear has begun. My chewing is annoyingly loud, my voice sounds like it would playing out of a speaker, and I seem to be very sound sensitive. I had to go to bed and lay in the dark last night, because the noise and activity of a family dinner was bit too much to bear and made me nauseous. I already know I have a superior canal dehiscence on that side, and we hope that once my right side reaches its optimum level, it will be able to compensate for the left. But only time will tell if this whole process is a rinse and repeat.
I do better in the quiet, when I’m still, and generally later in the day. Last night I slept on my stitches without a problem and rested well. I had taken a valium as ordered by Dr. Wiet, but given the compromised state of my vestibular system, I think it left me too impaired, so I skipped it today and feel much better. Pain has never really been a problem. Actually, the worst pain came from the pin holes left across my skull from the device they use to hold the head in place in surgery. I get by on one or two regular tylenol a day at most.
I’m looking forward to beginning vestibular therapy again tomorrow with Jennifer. I’d say I’m significantly worse right now than I was at the onset of my symptoms in July, but it is of course only six days post-craniotomy! I’m not a patient patient, but I suppose a broken brain is a bit more complicated of a thing to heal than a broken bone, no?
Thank you all for for the follows and comments. I hope to respond to each of you when I am able.