The Superior Canal Dehiscence Tractor Beam

Try though I might, I can’t run anymore. My shredded vestibular system cannot handle the vertical rise and fall, and the pounding of the road makes me feel foggy. Plus, there is a limited range in which I can keep my heart rate steady before it feels like my brain will rocket right out of my skull. These are small complaints. I feel mostly okay most days doing what life requires of me, and often more. I feel like I remain more active and energetic than a lot of people. Lately, since it warmed up, I’ve been feeling pretty darn good (knocks wood). So I’ve been walking a lot. Today I did four miles. Walking doesn’t bug my brain, and it’s helping me dump weight – far more slowly than I used to, but it is what it is. Still, there’s this streak in me that gets all uptight and angry when someone runs past me. I should be grateful to be outside exercising. I definitely take my recovery for granted. But I suppose I’ll never shed that competitive streak that got me over mountain tops on a bike, allowed me to descend at 60 MPH to catch the pack, and pushed me across the finish line of a marathon. I used to target people when running or riding. I’d imagine I was pulling them in with a tractor beam as I tried to catch them. It’s not the same when walking. Walking is what you do when you go to check the mail.

Anyway, my good friend Alex told me I should be glad that I got to do all of those things before SCDS hit. Most people don’t. And, of course, he’s right. But some part of me continues to grieve the loss I feel for pieces of my old self.

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1 thought on “The Superior Canal Dehiscence Tractor Beam

  1. Eric

    Good to hear friend! At least you’re surrounded by family. As far as walking re: weight loss. Look into Carb Nite and other ketogenic diets. You’re not a vegetarian and you’re not pasta-fueling for aggressive rides anymore. Loss was predictable and steady when I did it, and it helps A1C. Gotta get back to it, lol. Be well. Post more production pics with camera porn.

    Reply

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